Hairy woman seeks scientific explanation

23 October: Is there a scientific correlation between giving birth and developing a resemblence to Joseph Stalin? I've been avoiding the issue for months now but the time has come to face the fact that I am undeniably moustachioed.

For the first six months after fella was born, I inhabited that blissful state where you have a kind of reverse body dysmorphia syndrome: you know, where your stomach is hanging somewhere around your knees but you think you're lovely? At some point the fog starts to lift and you realise it's time to join a gym/ put the biscuit tin down and stop wearing maternity clothes. So I did all that (with varying degrees of success) but the moustache thing has really taken me by surprise. 

At first, I just thought it was a trick of the light - but I kept noticing it. I even casually mentioned to Mister iMoo that I might discuss it with a beautician. Clearly this was his cue to say 'what moustache?' but he suggested I might be better off speaking to a barber. 

Everything else you expect - the stretch marks, wobbly stomach, sleep deprivation, lifetime of servitude, worry and guilt etc. etc. But I never bargained for looking like Tom Selleck. It just seems so unfair.

Yes! Why must mothers have excess body hair? I have wild ones on my chin that appear suddenly, darkly, wirey-y! Agh!